Random musings of a social retard

"The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there." Whoever uttered those immortal words was possibly onto to something. I try to fill my life with useless crap and endless Facebooking because I don't like to leave too much time for reflection. It depresses me. It reminds me of how much more I need to achieve and if I can't achieve professional fulfillment then I'd like stacks of money to stanch the great big hole in my being.

I've got so many ghosts floating about and I don't know what to do to make them go away.

I'm not really sleepy yet but I don't have much energy to write something worthwhile. I just feel like writing so I present to you dear reader for your edification-a nothing post!

Lesson 1: Dogs die in hot cars. Must remember not leave my own dogs in hot car. Must remember not to leave self in hot car.

Lesson 2: In any course of study the most important lectures are the first and last. I failed to follow my own advice and now suffer the consequences of having to go through my notes trying to make sense of it all. One lecturer really turned the screws by not loading the mp3 of the last lecture. Suffer bitch! she seemed to say as she downed another appletini. 

Lesson 3: Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Or have fat asses. Sorry Dorothy Parker. Walking alone a wintry night along a deserted street, put your glasses on girls and feel a whole lot safer... Or your fake asses.

Lesson 4: Pretty boys in rock bands invariably churn out not-so-pretty rock songs. True if you are Rob Thomas. Not true if you are any of the Followill boys. Rewr...Or Champ from Hale. Hotness.

Lesson 5: A whiff of desperadoness never did anyone any harm.

Lesson 6: A whiff of stoopidity has been known to cause danger to life or limb or both.

Lesson 7: Beware of harem pants. You might think you're channeling high fashion but you're on the wrong channel. It's more MC Hammer. 2legit2quit (hey hey). Those of a different era (or different world) are liable to come up to you and start rubbing vigorously. 'Grant me a wish genie'. Doink!

Lesson 8: Learn to take no for an answer. It turns out you bad for you, you can always blame the other person. And if it turns out you were wrong well, no harm, no foul!

Lesson 9: Further to the idea above-delegate, delegate, delegate. If it blows up in your face, deny, deny, deny. If evidence is shown proving your culpability, repeat step one-delegate (blame), delegate (blame), delegate (blame).

Lesson 10: Writing nothing blog posts always take more time than you think. You should always do important crap (like studying for exams) first.

I feel like doing the strut a la BeeGees in that Staying Alive video except I'm just barely hanging on right now. I'd dig out the YouTube video of the same song to accompany you as you read but I am so bleary eyed I can't be bothered right now. I came back from a super short stay in the Banana Republic for my brother's wedding. I'd post pictures too except yes you got it, I'm just barely alive. A week before I was to leave, while I was away and 3 weeks after I'd returned was a mad rush of researching, writing, finishing essays, doing stuff for the wedding, finding something to wear that won't make me look like a joke (that is one entry by itself-later). I was writing essays while i was overseas and submitting it and pretending there was a time differene and sorry if my essay didn't make it. (It was only 2 hrs diff but hey they don't know that). It was crazy, crazy stuff. I thought when I got back that I'll actually be able to rest. When I got back I was felled by the common cold and was out of action for a week and a bit. I took a full 2 weeks off because I could hehe.

So anyway this past week has been all about trying to write more essays and make more deadlines. I think I'm getting to be over this uni thing but I do love the concession tickets-Sydney transport is a joke and where I live I almost need to take a bank loan just to be able to get out of this hell hole (I say it with a lot of love!) Anyway I thought I'd write and say I'm still alive! (Maybe not really a source of celebration but what the hey...)

I don't normally buy into my horoscope although I do sometimes read it for a laff. More than once I've scratched my head and thought "buddy, you are so way off base you'll need to map to get back". But this one from today's paper has me convinced that the astrologer/glorified guesser seems to know something I don't. He writes: "You are torn between working all the hours and taking a rebellious stance. You are ready to court controversy, but also aware that some people depend on you. Friends try to talk you out of your duty-first approach and to see a life outside your regular scene. Nothing less than a new life balance will do, but a revolution takes time. Wednesday finds someone on your emotional level who understands all the angles". I don't really want to explain the details but this stuff makes sense to me. Of course, it could mean anything and it could mean nothing.

Here's a video from the vault. I remember when Gary Barlow was hotness. I love the song and always turn it up when I hear it on the radio. Perez made a Coldplay/Gary Barlow post about it this week which made me think about it again. It's been a while since I saw the video. OMFG. What a hoot. Gary Barlow manages to emerge relatively unscathed but the other guys are not so lucky. This video displays dubious tastes in clothing and dancing. Robbie Williams and that guy in the furry hat-possibly not people you'd want to meet in a dark alley for a dance off. Still, watching it now they can still make the girls (and the gays) swoon.
 
  

Here's another vid that I'm sure made unsuspecting boys question their orientation on a Saturday morning.

  

Hmmmm...Gary. :) Did you hear? He's cold and alone...Come to bed Gary but you can't wear those ridiculous baby nappies!

I tried really hard not to get too excited about my last trip. I didn't want to build it up too much in case I was disappointed with something over there. I had such a great time I found it a little difficult adjusting to coming back. The holiday comedown has got to be the worst thing about going on holidays. I hadn't had a break in so long I forgot what it was like. I read in another blog somewhere that 22 Jan was the worst day for a lot of people because it's almost a month after Christmas and people are dealing with fading Christmas memories, disappointed with themselves already for failing to keep their New Year resolutions and are trying to get back into the groove of work. I though how true. Like a sharpshooter knocking plastic ducks off their perch, she enumerated all the things I was thinking about. So I haven't felt much like blogging at all. I was too sad and forlorn. I was having a sad day that stretched a couple of weeks.

I think I'd really like to go back again. And this time for a bit longer. We would go out and each time get closer and closer to my favourite shopping precinct. I was thinking of going to all these places I could only dream about for years but I only got to do half of them. I have to go back. At least that holiday is giving me other things to think about other than this heat which is just ridiculous. I travelled in a car yesterday that didn't have air conditioning. Like resourceful people we put wet towels on our heads or, in my case, arms and off we went. We were singing along and laughing and we must have looked delirious in the heat.

By that I mean I keep turning up and after 3 weeks of fun in the sun and smog of the Banana Republic I am back. I had such a hoot and I seriously did not want to come back in a hurry. If you were whiling away your hours here would you?



But in the end I decided not to extend. My sister had to go back to work and so did my cousins. It was great while it lasted. I think I might make this homecoming a regular thing. Not every year but definitely not every 10 years. Yep, that's the last time we were back. People were shocked "You've grown up so much/I didn't recognise you" blah blah.

It was really nice seeing the old country again but so many things have changed. Traffic in the capital is still an obstacle course. Whenever it was available I put my seatbelt on but actually the streets are always so packed you don't actually get to travel above 10km/h most of the time. Drivers are also super careful of getting into an accident firstly bec exchanging details and all that crap will rob them of precious minutes and secondly it's not likely the other person will actually pay out. If you get into an accident it could be either bec you're rich, you don't care or you're wearing coke bottle glasses and you shouldn't be driving.

I noticed this peculiar thing they did. Here you beep if you're picking someone up at an address and you don't want to get out, the light has turned green and the driver ahead is still picking their nose or your team won the football grand final and you're driving around rubbing it in everyone's face. Over there, they beep to tell the driver in the next lane that they're accelarating so the other guy doesn't move into their lane suddenly. Why? Bec when they change lanes they do it as soon as the idea pops into their heads. Why waste time signalling and risk busting the bulbs from overuse? Hah! A fair few drivers (usually on motorbikes) actually also like to drive in the dark without headlights. It's a quaint driving practice I am grateful hasn't taken off here. If you drive over there you take your life in your hands. I'm sure it's a very exhilirating experience.

Lanes-another quaint notion. Here you drive and place your vehicle squarely within the limits RTA has provisioned for you. Over there, lanes are just suggestions of where to place your car. You can drive within your lane and travel so slowly you're actually going back in time or nose your car into every available space and get to your destination only 1 hr late! That's another thing-drivers here take their personal space seriously and so when stopped at a light will make sure there is enough of a gap. You do that over there you can guarantee 5 cars on either side of you already positioned to slip in as soon as traffic moves again.

They do so many strange and bizarro things over there that made me scratch my head but the oddest had to be "U-Turn lanes". I can honestly say this must account for a majority of the reason why there is so much traffic or at least why traffic can't move as freely. Imagine going one direction and having to stop bec a bajillion cars from the opposite direction want to enter your lane. Officially there's only 1 u-turn lane but when the turning cars enter it's like a free for all so all lanes have to stop to let a flotilla of cars in.

I could go on all night but I think I'll end my meandering musings here-traffic lights. At some intersections they turn off the traffic lights and signs say "enter at your own risk" and they mean it! I'm only assuming they turn off the lights bec they were there but not working. Having said that, it seems drivers there are more patient than drivers here. I think they'd rather save their energy for the exhilirating and exhausting (mostly manual cars there) drive home.

All in all a good, eye-opening trip but I couldn't wait to get to Bohol (where the pic above was taken). Bliss...Will write more about Bohol later.

My suburb's not done with its 15 mins of fame yet. Today two planes clipped each other near a radio tower about 1 km from where I live. One made it back to the airport another one crash landed into the backyard of a house. 2 people died.

I woke up from a little afternoon snooze to find helicopters buzzing left, right and center. It's not so weird with the army barracks being so close. Last week they were doing army exercises and my dogs couldn't sleep! So anyway I thought yesterday was more of the same. Then my brother comes in saying someone held the BP station up the road, shot someone and was holed up in one of the houses near our street. Apparently one of our neighbours was ejected from their house because it backs onto the house the "robber" was barricading himself in. I went to my sister's room and saw this on the street:





I was trying to take photos on the sly. It was very explosive news one of my dogs was even roused from his sleep.



They blocked the roads around the area. We weren't allowed to leave so my mum had to walk home. It wasn't that long a walk anyway. Hours later and the guy wasn't budging so snipers were installed on the roof:



While I was taking that photo I could hear the police negotiator on the megaphone ("We know you're very upset right now but..."-couldn't hear this bit neighbours' chatter and dad's TV next door was too loud!). My sister has a telescope that is virtually useless for looking at the planets but perfect for ogling at neigbours. Too bad she wasn't there to sort it out.

The whole sorry saga ended as badly as it started. The woman shot at the BP is the guy's estranged wife. She divorced him so he shot her then he killed himself. They stormed his house shortly after I took that pic. Crazy stuff. My brother was served by that woman hours before. My mother used to look into their backyard when we walked the dogs and was so jealous of their tropical style garden. We used to see the guy outside his place. Big guy with tattoos. His wife looked like a cheery sort of person. He was the total opposite.

So Nicole Kidman is blowing into a didjeridoo but what the hell is Hugh Jackman doing? He looks so cute though whatever it is he's doing. Teehee.